Hearing From A Friend

I had said two days ago that I wanted to tell you about a package a received over the weekend. Typically at home I get one or two things addressed to me in a month. Most of these things that come to me are junk or bills. Every once in a while, however, I get something worth hanging on to.

On Saturday, there was a large manilla envelope waiting for me. It almost looked like it might have an acceptance letter in it from some university. Having not applied to any graduate schools, there was no way that could be it. The letter was from Pontotoc, Missisissippi. It was from Father Tim. Glenmary Camp's Father Tim.

I jumped a bit inside. If you have read this blog or talked to me recently you know exactly how much this camp meant and how much I was affected by the people there. To receive something from them is so exciting. Father Tim and I got to talk one on one several times during the week and at the end of camp he approached me about the future. He told me that he was impressed with how I handled a bunch of things that week and how I was with the kids. He told me of someone he knows in Texas who has become quite the name in play therapy for kids.

In the package was a magazine advertisement for the National Play Therapy conference in Kentucky listing all of the speakers and dates and times. Next were two other journals including the latest published articles regarding play therapy. Finally, a letter from Father Tim. He told me to register for the conference in Kentucky. He also reminded me about coming back to the camp next year and finished by asking me to pass along his regards to the rest of my group.

The magnitude of this gesture is so great that its hard to describe. I knew I had made a friend in Father Tim, and I felt his invitation and discussion about my future in psychology were sincere. But, to go to this extent was both unexpected and incredibly humbling. Even more than ever I am so thankful for getting the opportunity for this trip and so grateful that I had the time to get to know it's director. The inclusion of the last line about sending his regards to the rest of my team made me realize that this is not just a kind gesture he does for everyone who helps at his camp. This was something he did for me. I am still in disbelief and excited about the whole thing days later.

I hope to be able to go to the conference and eventually make it back to Mississippi. Father Tim is a big part of why that camp exists as it does and has the heart it does, leading people like myself to feel incredibly connected to it and everyone involved. He proved that his kindness to those who come to his camp does not stay at the camp but extends past it. He is a very inspiring person.

New Frontier

I've been lost a lot recently. That is definitely something I can admit. There were plenty of opportunities that have been available to me in my four years here that I did not take advantage of. I recently looked at a document on my computer that I had made during my Sophomore year. It was of a series of places and contacts to look into volunteer work for my major. The places were early learning centers and children psych wards. At the time, I just wanted to enjoy myself. I don't necessarily regret my decision to have time for myself through most of my college years, but I started to debate that in the past six months.

There was a lot stacked against me getting a job. I do believe I have done a fair amount in my time here. I have been a part of 3 separate research studies as well as volunteer(ed) for a full school year at a preschool. I even briefly worked for the school radio station. But in my conversation with friends it seemed like everyone had one thing that I envied, whether it was a connection, a summer internship at a mental health facility, or something else. I just felt unsure of my accomplishments. With the plan of utilizing my handed-to-me summer internship as my buffer period before needing to find actual work, I did very little to pursue a job, a career, any real next step.

Back in December, based on a recommendation by my Personality teacher, who I emailed looking for some advice on what I should get involved with in my last semester, I pursued a research assistant position (volunteer, but still) working with a professor I had had for two different classes and really enjoyed. In our conversation, the purpose of him taking me on was so he had a reference point at which he could use to reccomend me to a friend of his who worked at Drexel University. She works in the research department for Psychology there and usually takes on people, at least on a volunteer basis, to help with her studies. They would be meeting in March and so he would talk me up (based on my then two months of working with him).

Well March came, they met, and he informed me he had told her he'd send an email with me copied so the two of us could get connected. March ended, and April was passing quickly and he hadn't done anything. I asked him here or there about it, but was generally not very persistant. This may have been because I did not want to be a pest, or because I had a job for the summer and was not pressured to find something. Either way, it took me awhile to really step up.

Finally, last Tuesday, after a conversation with my sister, I decided I needed to say something to him. Graduation was approaching, and even though I did not need a job right away, I wanted to get communications started before I left my position with him. About one hour after I emailed him I received that CC'd email written to her. He explained who I was, what I was looking for, what I could be counted on for, and basically just asked if there was anything available for her and I to talk about. An hour after that I received an email from her. She told me that she was looking to fill a position that would be opening up June 1st and she was starting the interviews for the position the next day, could I talk on the phone in the next 24 hours about the position?

Absolutely, I could. Fordham just happened to arrange it so that I have Wednesdays off and was absolutely free. The next morning, at 10 am, she called. We talked for about 80 minutes and things went well. I guess they went pretty darn well because she asked me if, despite being in NY and finals were on the horizon, I could make my way to Philadelphia to meet in person. I said yes to a 10 am meeting before I knew what I was doing. Thursday night I would be putting on a concert fund raiser and would not be home until after 12 am. I needed to be on a 5:25 am metro north train into the city to get home in time. It hurt. But I managed.

The two days between phone call and interview were torture. Every time I thought about the interview my heart raced. This position, as it was explained, would put me in a position where I'd be accepted at any Grad program I applied to because of the experience I would gain from it. It would leave me published several times over, chances to speak at conferences, manage a team of 20 people, among other things. I couldn't even believe I qualified for an interview.

The interview went well, conversationally, but certain things were said that made me realize - no chance. She told me she never had anyone as young as I was hold this position. Typically the person holding it had a Masters and some managerial or other experience. In addition she was not thrilled about my GO! trip and made it seem as though it was one or the other. Needless to say I left the interview feeling extremely mixed. I then headed to the shore for some much needed R and R. Sunday night I heard from Naomi via email. She told me she was happy to have met with me in person and was hoping to make a decision by Wednesday.

Remember how I was talking about how my heart would race when I thought about the interview in the two days leading up to it. The two days after were worse. I more and more realized the position was unlikely, and simultaneously, all the good that would come from it. I essentially decided that the course of my future hinged on this job. Every opportunity I would be afforded with this job in my future would be enhanced and different because of it. I longed for that future.


9 am. Monday, May 10, 2010

My phone rang. Luckily I sleep like a newborn (which actually means I wake up easily - that whole 'sleep like a baby' thing is backwards) and woke up immediatly. As anyone would be, I was disoriented as hell and saw a series of numbers. It was not a number I had in my phone. I thought to myself - who cares, I want to sleep. Then I realized - its Naomi! The next thought that ran through my head was 'what a terrible way to wake up' - I was automatically prepped for bad news. Before I could let anymore time pass (and likely let the call go to voicemail) I answered the phone, clearly disoriented. Naomi, who must has sensed something was off - quickly said "Dan it's Naomi. Before you worry, it's good news.

I think, had my phone not been plugged in, or had I not just woken up, I may have started dancing right then. She proceeded to inform me that she wanted to officially make me an offer for the position. Since the time I left on Friday she kept telling the staff she wanted to just make me the offer then. No matter who else interviewed, who else was more qualified, or had a higher degree - she kept saying she wanted to give me the job. Someone, someone that I must hug someday, told her that it means that that must mean that I am who she should hire then.

I very quickly understood why Alex told me he had a headache from smiling too much. I actually, throughout the day, kept looking for signs of proof that it had not been a dream. I mean I did take the call in bed, I had been sleeping before it. It was just too go to have been reality. It was such a long shot in every way. And yet, it was real.

So talk about a 180. One week ago, today, I was emailing my professor in hopes to get the ball rolling. One week ago, today, I was debating Americorp, or what other option I had. One week ago today, I was futureless. I was legitimately nervous about what would come next, dreaded every conversation I would have with anyone I would talk to in the next few months of 'so what are you going to do now?' I had many an anxiety ridden conversation over coffee in the past few months about the state of things and the likelihood that I would be without employment come the fall and how I needed to focus my energy elsewhere.

One week ago today I sent an email, based on the suggestion of my sister, to a man who I only ever sat down with due to the suggestion of my teacher from a few years ago. One week later I have job in my career, in my home town, across the street from Love Park, doing something I am excited about. I am excited. I am nervous. I am anxious. But most of all, I am hopeful and looking forward to life after graduation.

Things work out. Who knew. Had I waited a day to email him, had I not taken Tracy's advice in November to seek out a research assistant position, had classes ended a day later and I couldn't get home for an interview - so many small things that all could have prevented this from happening. And yet, none of them did. I don't know what that means, if it means anything at all. What I do know is I have an answer for those people now, and an answer for myself - the future? Yeah I got that covered.

Prep Work

Today's picture is the physical representation of the prep work for my last major assignment as an undergrad. After a series of email back and forth with a classmate and several our searching through Ebscohost, I finally found my topic. Several hours later, I have my sources read, highlighted, and outlined.

Now, it is time for bed. Alarm is set for 9 am to transform this outline into a presentation. Later this week, that presentation will be transformed into essay form, making up my final paper for the course and for my college career.

I wonder if it is ever apparent to the teacher or students in the class that the assignment they're hearing about, the topic I am presenting on, was only decided upon less than a day ago, and that a decent percentage of the work was done that morning? I hope not. I believe I do my best work in these crisis situations and that when all is said and done, the final product comes across as if it had been done over time and well in advance.

You learn something new

Well, you had a slow day if you only learned, saw, or experienced 1 new thing a day. I am sure I learned more than just one thing, but in my research paper for my anthropology class, I was able to pick a topic close to home and write about religion from a psychological perspective. Turns out religion has significant mental health benefits including anxiety and aggression reduction and increased recovery time for depressed patients. One point for you, religion.

Planning Ahead

It is definitely something easier said than done. And the word ahead, brings a vagueness to it. I tend to think I plan ahead decently in the short term. But planning bigger things, larger steps that encompass much bigger chunks of time, now that is an area I tend to fail at.

I met with a professor and friend of mine today to talk about an assignment I was hoping he could assist me on. We ended up spend 40 minutes of the hour I was there talking about my plans for the future. I know that in 10 years, there is a definite place I would like to be. That place would be working in a private practice setting as a clinical therapist for children and adolescents. It does not have to be my own practice, and honestly if it's through a center but the job is the same, that is fine too. Regardless - this is my long term goal.

The plan to get there is a lot less defined. After talking with my teacher, less so. Not because he made me change my mind or anything, but he more was able to lay out how many different routes there are to go without really listing anything specific. I know I need a PhD. It was originally decided that I was bypassing the Masters but after the discussion today, that is no longer certain. As far as jobs, places who will employee me while I go to class for the next 7 years, finding a place that is relevant, that will pay for this schooling, and will pay me well enough, that place seems as realistic as winning the lottery right now.

I have managed to make it to 22 without ever needing a resume, without ever having to formally apply for a job, go through an interview, etc. There will be a lot of firsts piling up over the next few months, that is a definite. I just hope I can start making bigger strides in my planning ahead.

Following Up

So every once in a while on this blog I will mention something that I might follow up on, continue later, get back to, etc. Typically in these situations I am in the middle of explaining something or want to elaborate/discuss something and for one reason or another I end up ending the blog instead. Last night is an example of this - it was late and while I had more that I wanted to say, I also wanted to get in bed like no other. Thus my blogs end up looking like Arrested Developments 'Next time on Arrested Development' segments without the humor or intelligence.

Anyway, yesterday thanks to my aunt I was able to sit in one 3 ECT procedures. If you do not know what ECT stands for then let me tell you. ECT stands for Electroconvulsive Therapy, better known as Electro-shock therapy. Most people are only familiar with the procedure from its pop-portrayals in films like One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest or the more modern but no friendlier Requiem For A Dream. ECT is when your brain is shocked as a form of treatment.

After a conversation about my feelings on the procedure my aunt decided I needed to sit in on a procedure in order to better assess it. I was told that it is not the violents procedure we see and it is extremely effective. Coming out of the procedure I will say that my views partially changed - no it is not as violent (most of the time) as it appears to be in movies. The patient is knocked out for the procedure and most of them show now visible signs of seizure other than a twitching foot.

It is, however, still barbaric to me in what it is. While I will acknowledge that it is effective and that especially in major depressive patients who are basically catatonic from the depression no other treatment is as effective and with such little side effects (medicine cannot claim either of these), it still does not make it great. Its the arguments that just because its the best thing that exists does not mean its good, it only means we have nothing better - yet.

ECT is literally electrocuting an individuals brain in order to induce a seizure. I learned that the seizure, and not the electro-shock is what actually creates a treatment effect. Doctors discovered this when looking at epileptic patients who were depressed. These patients were found to be in much better states following a seizure. As with most discoveries, no one was looking or assumed this would have an effect.

Yesterday was also my only trip to the diner and luckily it was a really solid trip. Nothing like sitting down with people on your last night home, having a cup (or 5) of coffee and just shooting the breeze for a few hours about nothing. I wish I had gotten to go more - but this trip did not disappoint.

My last note I had said last night was 'more on where i am in life right now'. I am not sure what was on my mind at the time to elicit that but as of right now I have nothing to elaborate on in that area.

Moved back to NY today and settled in. Played a game called Wizard which is a bit complicated initially but is really a great card game. Record player works and I listened to two vinyls already.

2 more football games tomorrow. Colts are through to the next, though, so I can watch in a more relaxed manner.

Talk to you later.

overkill, in a good way?

as i mentioned on my twitter earlier i, in what could be a good way, went overkill on my paper i am working on. what only needed to be 3-5 pages describing a few treatment studies on a common disorder and then summarizing them turned into about 20+ hours of work. i researched the studies, i researched the studies they based their studies on, etc - and read them all top-to-bottom. even though i was only presenting the cliffnotes of each (3 pages isnt alot) i still was strangely interested enough to thoroughly read and annotate all of them. and its a holiday break right now. sad? maybe. promising sign that i am in the right field? remains to be seen.

what can be said is that for what might not even be a better grade i have put way more time into this than i intended or needed to purely because i was interested in the information i was reading about. the same will not be true about the law paper i will start tomorrow. (maybe secretly i was so interested in this because it meant i could put off moving onto the law paper longer while under the guise of being productive).

cheers.