The First Reminder

There have been hundreds of times, more so in recent years, where it has just been a few of us at home for a given night. We are definitely the family who averaged, when we grew up, 5-6 dinners together in a week. Sure each of us had a span where we were involved in things that kept us out a night or two during the week. As the years have continued and we have each become more independent, have our own schedules, and jobs - dinners at home are more infrequent. Sunday nights are spent figuring out which day or two we might all be home.

To be eating home tonight with just my parents was not completely out of the ordinary. Yet, with the wedding on the horizon, tonight's meal was a clear reminder of how every day life is about to be. Dinner just felt empty. There have been plenty of nights where I have eaten alone for dinner, or just with one other person, and yet tonight felt different. Tonight, the feeling of finality started to set in. On all of those other nights, there was nothing permanent about the decline in attendance to dinner. It sometimes was fun, a change of pace that meant we might have breakfast for dinner or try something different. Instead, there was a clear void present at dinner tonight and it was there for everyone. Even before and after dinner, the house just felt quieter. I keep telling people that to some extent it won't be much different because of how infrequently we are all home already. Maybe tonight I realized that, at least a little bit, I might be fooling myself.

(this is a picture from my sister's new house. I went over with her today to help her arrange some more things, set some more stuff up, and clean up from the big move this past Saturday. Her place is pretty great. I hope I make good on my promise to myself that I will visit them and not be lazy about that.)

Live in the past...

As Tim Hartnett always liked to remind me, and mostly in situations where it hardly applied, 'If you live in the past, you die in the past.' Recently a lot of my friends have been feeling the back-to-school absence in their lives and it has been hitting them hard. If there was every a time for it to settle in for myself, it would be now. This weekend is the weekend that everyone moved back to school. I actually looked at my blog and on August 29th of last year I wrote about having moved in that day to my new apartment in the Bronx. I absolutely loved that place and I missed it all the time. As my good friend Mike wrote, there is never another time in your life where, for 4 years, you get to spend your day to day life living within walking distance of all of your friends, on your own, and for us - in the middle of one of the greatest cities in the world.

In addition to the realization that I am staying put in my home this fall, and for the first time since I was 4 years old, not going to be in classes this fall - my neighbor is starting high school. I remember when their family moved here. I remember small conversations with this kid and some days we hung out. I never really lived near my friends and there weren't a lot of kids my age growing up and so he and I hung out every so often despite the near-decade age gap. I remember thinking at some point while in high school myself that one day when he finally reached highschool I would have graduated from college. It seemed so far off, and yet here we are. Today was move in day at college and a reminder of my completetion of that stage in my life. Tomorrow, the boy who I knew when he was only three years old starts his high school career.

And despite all of this, I do not have a sad blog to write. Yes, if I thought about it long and hard about the amazing era that is my college years and the tragedy of those being now in the passed I would feel sad. But, I have too much to be wrapped up in and happy about. I did not have any hardships with jobs despite the current world we live in. After only applying for one job, and only interviewing for one job, I was hired for that job. Unlike so many of my friends who were also fortunate to be hired somewhere I really look forward to work. I have an amazing situation were most of my days at work are spent with college-age students. No only that, but I really like working with every one of them. Also, my sister is less than two weeks out of being married and I could not be happier for her.

Sure there are things to complain about. I don't make nearly enough money, I am single and have been for longer than I care to toss around, and I will be in school until I am in my late 20s (once I go back to grad school). I guess I just have enough positive things going for me in my life that I am, at the very least, able to overlook what could be a very difficult and sad time.

Tomorrow night will be an adventure. In what looks to be a continuing of my goal to be active, tomorrow I am heading up to NY for a few hours to see my friends band play the last night of their month long residency at Arelene's Grocery. These guys are incredible at what they do and I love every second that I get to watch them perform. Their successes almost feel like my own as I just get more and more excited to see things going well for them. Despite having working at 8 am on Tuesday morning, I am going to make this trip because there is no way I would miss it.

Here's to everything!

Staying In Touch

The longer you are away from a group of people the more, I think, you realize the people you really want to see, and the people who you feel a little more indifferent towards. I don't know why it works out that way, but the further you are removed from people the more easily it becomes to differentiate who you really miss.

Tonight I got to see some old friends and while I do appreciate and miss everyone collectively, certain people just stand out more and luckily tonight it was a small crowd and it was pretty much the people I'd really want to see. I still wish a few others had made it, but it makes it easier to catch up when it is a small group. When you only see people every 6 months, trying to catch up with 10-15 different people at a restaurant during happy hour is tough. Typically you end up covering very little and repeating yourself a lot.

I have had many encounters like this and was pretty much prepared for that tonight. Instead, we had a small crowd, it wasn't loud in the place and we just really all got to talk and catch up for a solid 2 hours. I am really happy with how things worked out and I am glad I got to see some of those friends.

Off By A Day

When I started the breadcrumbs project, my first picture was taken at Llanerch Diner. We were supposed to go last night as my friend who is moving to Texas leaves this week and we were to hang out there. The outing was postponed to tonight. So while the Lost-like start and end being the same did not occur, I think it's still fair game.

Plus, it goes to show how little has changed despite how much as changed. This place which I still frequent on weekends summer after summer, year after year is now one of the few constants that span that time. Friends have moved away, we have graduated college, careers have started, some friends are engaged, one is pregnant and I am at the eve of my 23rd birthday. Sheesh. No need to reflect anymore on that.

Goodnight!