It Will Take Some Time

On September 10th my sister got married. September 9th was the last night she spent here. She may come back time to time to crash for the night as years go on, but it will be as a guest. It's natural to be slightly upset despite the overtly joyousness of this occasion. This is not a long reflection on that or on my time with her and I living under one roof. Instead is just a comment on the little things that pop up, sometimes catching me off guard.

The week following her honeymoon I was talking to her online while we were each at work. The day was ending and we both had to run and I almost told her that we could talk about it when I got home, meaning in person. It's not that we cannot talk about it in person or over the phone if we so desired. It was just a momentary lapse where I forgot that she won't be home when I get there and if we are going to talk, it'll most likely be by phone now.

Another time I called her at work to ask her a question while I was out of the office and almost ended the phone call with a casual "see you tonight," but caught myself. And today, when I got the mail there was a few pieces of junk mail addressed to her. Now, this last one probably happens every day and I imagine will continue for a while as most junk mail comes from companies that aren't keeping close track of things like a member of the household changing an address. The reason I noticed it today is that I am not typically home in time to get the mail and it is already gone through, and the junk mail thrown away, before I am home from work.

Again, this is not to say that I am more upset than I am happy, and to be honest, because we talk several times throughout the day on the computer, to some extent I have not noticed a lapse in our interaction. It's just those odd moments where I catch myself expecting her to be home when I get there, or when she isn't at some point I might think she's got a late night tonight (which happened a decent amount of time) and just hasn't gotten in yet. These few-second moments will pass in time. For now, it's still nice to sort of pretend that she is still here.

Adjustments

Tonight I had a quick mistaken thought. I turned to ask my mom, "what time are we expecting Alicia tonight?" Then I dismissed this thought when I realized she is away for a week. A whole week before that question would be applicable.

Maybe about 10 seconds passed after that thought before another one entered my head. A second correction. Yeah, she is away and won't be coming home tonight. But even once she is no longer away, even once we get to next week, she still won't be coming home. I know that sounds like I'm acting like she is dead, and I do not mean it to be. But, when the realization settled in that whether she is on vacation or not, she won't be coming back to here, that she doesn't call this place "home" anymore, I kind of just sat there. This might be harder than I would like to acknowledge.

Hit Me

Tonight I said to someone, "Either I am totally ok with this major change in our lives or it has not hit me yet, but I don't seem at all phased by this."

Maybe eventually I will be able to process the meaning of my sister being married, no longer being home, etc. But after the past 24 hours, the only thing I can process is the desire to lay down. It was one hell of a wedding.

Full House

Tonight is our last night home together, the five of us. I'm not going to allow myself to get upset over this. Tomorrow is going to be a lot of fun. So much to remember for the mass portion. Congratulations Alicia and Leo!

The First Reminder

There have been hundreds of times, more so in recent years, where it has just been a few of us at home for a given night. We are definitely the family who averaged, when we grew up, 5-6 dinners together in a week. Sure each of us had a span where we were involved in things that kept us out a night or two during the week. As the years have continued and we have each become more independent, have our own schedules, and jobs - dinners at home are more infrequent. Sunday nights are spent figuring out which day or two we might all be home.

To be eating home tonight with just my parents was not completely out of the ordinary. Yet, with the wedding on the horizon, tonight's meal was a clear reminder of how every day life is about to be. Dinner just felt empty. There have been plenty of nights where I have eaten alone for dinner, or just with one other person, and yet tonight felt different. Tonight, the feeling of finality started to set in. On all of those other nights, there was nothing permanent about the decline in attendance to dinner. It sometimes was fun, a change of pace that meant we might have breakfast for dinner or try something different. Instead, there was a clear void present at dinner tonight and it was there for everyone. Even before and after dinner, the house just felt quieter. I keep telling people that to some extent it won't be much different because of how infrequently we are all home already. Maybe tonight I realized that, at least a little bit, I might be fooling myself.

(this is a picture from my sister's new house. I went over with her today to help her arrange some more things, set some more stuff up, and clean up from the big move this past Saturday. Her place is pretty great. I hope I make good on my promise to myself that I will visit them and not be lazy about that.)

A New Home

Today we packed up my sisters stuff and moved her into her new house. It was an odd dynamic because its that time of the year to be moving people back to school and considering similar sites like the uhaul and that couch, it felt like I was moving someone in to school. It hasn't settled in that in a week from now she will be married and no longer be living here. It was definitely weird to use phrases like "your house" today. Her place is awesome, though.

I remember taking many a nap on this here couch. I would say my roommate could say the same. That thing would catch you off guard. You would sit down and all of a sudden, whether you knew you were tired or not, you were out. Wrestling it up the stairs in their house was fun. This time, it was not me involved. Also, it only had to go up one, very straight flight of stairs. Not to the third floor, having to pivot every 8 steps - so I did not feel so bad for those who did move it this time.

Christmas In July

Today's picture is the back of my dad's truck. He actually drives a Ford Escape. He borrowed this truck from his work. It was used for my older sister's bridal shower which was today. As you can see from the picture, it's purpose was to transport the gifts home. There were two other cars with gifts in them as well.

Needless to say, I need to get married.

Getting Better

Today was much better than yesterday. Camp, MS, the kids - they're all still on my mind constantly. But things picked up a bit. I was more motivated, it was a nicer day and I just felt better.

Today Alex and Maria were back and to make up for yesterday I went to them for breakfast and lunch. Total bill - 6.60. Where else are you going to get a freshly made egg sandwich and coffee and later a freshly made chicken parmesan for that cheap? I actually think it might be cheaper than eating at home and bringing lunch. This part of my day definitely was helpful. Also the commute in the morning, as I had to drive, went well. They day of work was filled and positive and meeting up with old co-workers afterwards was a really nice close.

I got to spend some time with a good friend and my sister, picked up a bookshelf as part of the basement transformation that will hopefully be occurring soon, and I got to talk with some of my GO! team members.

Nothing overly special really happened, but I still felt like today was a big improvement over yesterday. Let's hope tomorrow continues that progression. If all goes well, the Thank You cards will be finished tomorrow and I will post about camp.

Goodnight.

Ignore The Weather

Sometimes you just have to forgo. Today, my sisters and a close friend came to visit. They are here for 2 days, and the two worst days NY has seen in the past 10-14 days. We were especially spoiled after last weekend and the start of this week. As this weekend approached and the forecast was telling nothing but bad news, there were brief talks of trying another weekend. Ultimately it was deicded that, despite the bad weather, this was the most convenient weekend.

Sure, there was a lot I wanted to do that was 100% dependant on good weather like walking High Line Park, eating lunch in Union Square, walking the Brooklyn Bridge and spending some down time in Battery Park, but you do what you can. Today we hit a bunch of places and were in the city, and on the go from 1 pm until 11 pm. Fortunately for us, not until we reached the final part of our night - searching for a restaurant for dinner, as well as the trip home - did we really battle the elements.

Tomorrow is looking to be a bit worse, but after spending a few hours online we came up with a few options, keeping in mind the volume of people in the city on a Saturday and that many will be looking for similar indoor activities. Hopefully something works out, and if not, we already have lunch reservations in the city, and the plan to have some quality down time in my home, capping the weekend off with a trip to Arthur Avenue for Little Italy before heading to Penn Station.

Highlight of the day was the boardwalk at Southstreet Seaport overlooking the river with a view of the Brooklyn Bridge. They really loved it - everyone had their cameras out taking pictures. If you haven't been to this area I would check it out - the mall/shops combined with the restaurants are all great entertainment in an area with such an impressive view as this.

Valentine's Day Presents

So every year my parents get us something for Valentine's day. My package from them came in the mail today. I was expecting a package for a little from them, it being a large pot as the one we have is falling apart. Inside the package was also my Valentine's gift which was a really cool grey cardigan/hoodie.

What I wasn't expecting was a second package, this one from my older sister. In this was some excellent snacks and chocolate as well as a copy of the movie Away We Go on DVD. I don't know if she has seen the movie or new I had wanted to see it, but either way out I was quite happy.

In other news - our neighbors to the north have been throwing garbage out their window today, periodically. Leaving for class this afternoon we found bottles, boxes, a tomato sauce can among other trash. Later a friend of mine who was over called after he left saying there was a smashed stereo on the street as well. The. Worst.

Happy Birthday!

Who knew waking up at 530 am after crashing at 230 am would be pretty easy. Easy enough that I actually stayed up until 7 am, when my sister came downstairs to go to work, to make her pancakes too. And in between I caught up on Fringe. I continue to amaze myself at how much I can do/accomplish on such little sleep.

I got back in bed at 730 am feeling pretty awake even though I kept myself from having a coffee. All of a sudden it was 2:40 pm. I am not sure if I was actually rested (I would hope so) or if I was just in pure shock of the time but I popped right out of bed.

After screwing around online for about an hour it was time to get ready for dinner because I had to pick up my little sister from college before heading to meet my family for a nice Italian meal.

Looking forward to one of this tomorrow:

The Rain Won't Stop Us

And it didn't. Today was a great day, after a great weekend. When I woke up today I didn't think I had enough energy in me to get through the day. Last night's party was a lot of work. It is not easy to have a 25 person party in your apartment - the organizing and prep work, cooking ,etc. Luckily everyone was awesome. I had a lot of help from Claire (especially as the party wrapped up.)

When all was said and done things could not have gone better. We had so much extra food and for an apartment that has been ordering/buying every meal out of having no time to go food shopping - that's nice. Having 10 of your best friends dancing around your room with christmas music playing - everyone doing their best charlie brown moves and such is just amazing. Ill have some pictures soon.

Today we had our gift exchange and I was really impressed at how creative, thoughtful, or interesting the gifts were. Headed into the city while some friends and my roommates lunched on some of the left overs. Met up with my sisters and grabbed food at Max Brenners. If you have not been there - you should change that. Order everything.

Made it Rockefeller with them and Alex and took some pictures with the tree despite the rain. Also, a brave male proposed on the ice. He must really have had a good feeling about that one to subject his future wife to the cold rain for it. There must have been a good inch or more of water on the ice that he knelt in, too. It was great - everyone watching cheered. What it must feel like to get engaged in that setting or any where you have a slew of people applauding/cheering for you.

We finally headed home on the 7 pm bus following the eagles game via gamecast, car radio, and then tv when I got home.

Tomorrow is my dad's birthday. He turns 51. This is why i am home. It is also why, in a few hours I am waking up to make him pancakes. He doesn't know this. Nor did he know I was coming home tonight. If you know me, you know I like surprises/big gestures. So I sneak home, show up - and make him an actual meal to eat before he heads to work on his birthday before most of the world is even awake.

Night everyone.